Sunday, January 28, 2007
I'm not going to deny that the previous two posts inspired me to write this one, lol. They did, and it's a good thing I think, to reflect on how the past year has been for everyone, especially my own particularly complicated experience.
Honestly, I joined around exactly a year ago mainly because of Sim Xinming (haha), but that's not to say that innately, I didn't have the admiration that our seniors made serving the college the bulk of their non-academic life.
One year on, I realise that I actually joined the family for vastly many different reasons not necessarily known to even myself last January; reasons that began to surface only after I started my first training sessions under the seniors, did my first morning assembly duty, joined the exco, and during the December holiday events leading to this year.
Yet even amongst everything, I'm still proud to say that I have never strayed from that which is our ultimate job: to serve the college, and have fun while doing it.
Admittedly, I ought to have allowed myself to have more fun. I now realise that for a large part of my past year I only had fun as a result of my commitment and obligations, and never really took it as it is, nor relished in it, nor made it grow. I had always taken my satisfaction from our successes in events, and our ability to brave the darkest of storms, but seldom from the journeys that we made together to achieve these.
I seldom took the time to reflect on my part in the progress of things; only the actual outcome.
But when I do now, I hope it isn't too late that I realise I may be indispensable, but I'm not, by a long shot, close to being everything.
If I began to dish out apologies to the family on the fact that I may have encroached into more responsibility, rose into more prominence, and accepted more personal duty than I ought to, then I shall have to spend the next five months accomplishing that, and nothing else. If I did, then I would also be apologising for emotional stress I caused, as even though I take my own sadness with a pinch of salt, I cannot be so selfish to say that it is also true for others.
Instead, I hope that PA takes things in their stride. Disagreements come and go, and I feel that they are crucial to our continued success.
Because of that, I have never taken our arguments, or our disagreements, on a personal level.
Also because of that, I feel that I wouldn't, if given the chance, do anything different from what define my experience in PA. I'm not ashamed to reflect on my many failures, or give myself a pat on the back for my successes, because these happy times and sad times are what have made all of us grow as more mature people we never thought we were before 2006.
And so I hope that everyone in the family cherishes this learning experience, which would never be complete if it wasn't for all the regret and disappointment, piled onto all the happiness and satisfaction.
I will continue to make serving the college the centre of my commitment, and if I haven't been a QM, or a crewmember in general, as good as I wished, I will continue to improve.
For all who care to know, your QM, even after all this reflection, continues to appreciate if you don't litter the control, put cables on windshields, lose flexis, forget to fill out equipment logs, leave batteries in cordless mics, etc.
But he will continue, as he has done for six months, pack your equipment before events, unpack them after, remove cables from on top of windshields, sweep the control floor, place stuff where they belong, and just in general, make the hall control where it is our cosy room, as neat, tidy and cosy as possible.
If he ever complains out loud, which he does every now and then, please don't take it personally. It's a vice that is not easily corrected, even if he has been striving to work more silently than he has been.
Because I feel that above being a member of PA, and an exco member, I'm ultimately here to ensure that PA runs as smoothly as possible.
I'm ultimately here to be more a servant than a leader, and I'm proud of it.
If I may have taken more responsibilities than I ought to, then that's one responsibility I will certainly keep.
pa oiii! (: 9:46 PM;
posted by Ivan (:
